Appropriation: Or, How I Feel When Christians Have Seders

Hello, friends! I hope your holiday seasons have begun as happily as mine--with beautiful events and interesting people, excellent decorations appearing seemingly overnight, and everyone smiling just a little bit more (most of the time, except when there are impossible crowds around major tourist attractions here in NYC...or crazy traffic...or it's cold...).

So the other night I called a Catholic friend of mine (who lives in another city), and she was eager to ask me a question: she and some of her Christian friends want to host a Seder for the Jewish holiday of Passover in the spring, and she was hoping I could help her figure out how to do it.

I felt very confused about my feelings on this.

There will be no Jews at her Seder. I can help guide them in the rituals, recommend online guides for them to use and try to explain some of the meanings, but I will not be there. She will not have a direct Jewish perspective on the day. They will be doing something of religious importance to me and Jews around the world, but as a type of respectful honoring of a tradition in which they do not actually believe or take part. It's confusing. The idea of utilizing someone else's religion (or culture) is known as "appropriation."

You can see appropriation in numerous other recent examples--one being the cultural popularization in recent years, particularly among college students, of hosting events around the Hindu holiday of Holi. For those who are unaware, the current secular situation involves a bunch of young people heading outside and throwing a lot of colors (powder? paint?) on each other in the spring. It's a lot of fun, and leads to a lot of excellent pictures on Facebook. I have, honestly, regretted never being able to participate when it happened at my university.

But for others, the celebration of Holi is an actual part of their Hindu or Indian cultural tradition. It has meaning, somewhat related to the Hindu god, Krishna. It can also have a symbolic meaning of removing the difference between people and equalizing everyone by covering everyone in such a mix of colors so that everyone looks the same. I doubt that most people throwing paint on each other on their college quad, however, are thinking about these deeper meanings.

And what's wrong about this fun spring event? Or what's wrong about my Christian friends honoring Judaism by hosting a (Jew-free) Seder? Or rather--is there anything wrong with it?

I would like to make sure I clarify: I am so glad that these young Christian folks are interested in having a Seder. It is a big change from over 2,000 years of institutionalized antisemitism to now have Catholics who honestly want to celebrate Judaism, on their own and without provocation. Nor is this the first time a Christian friend of mine had been involved in a Passover Seder sans Jews. But it still makes me uncomfortable, and my friend knows this. It is in no way a negative commentary on her, but rather brings up a question about interfaith and sharing in others' traditions--how far is too far? Is there a limit? Should there be? I wish I could articulate why it causes a twinge of discomfort in my stomach. Why do you think this is? Anyone have suggestions? Please post it in the comments if you have words to describe how I might be feeling, because it's something I've grappled with since my other friend first told me about the "Christian" Seder she went to during college a few years back.

Some of you may not see this as a big issue, and I can completely understand that. But we can also look to the great backlash over the secularization of Christmas--"Keep Christ in Christmas!" or "Christmas is too commercialized" or "I say 'Merry Christmas,' not 'Happy Holidays!,'" often said with some type of annoyed implication that someone would dare utilize "their" holiday in a way they deem unfit. It's the same idea, though on a much larger scale.

I mean, we even see this all the time even within religions, right? I'm sure my Orthodox Jewish counterparts don't love how many Jews drive to synagogue on Yom Kippur, or spend Shabbat texting their friends. Infighting within religions is constant for a lot of reasons, but many of these have to do with different opinions on religious practice.

And yet, I am a Jew who loves Christmas--and purely on a secular level. Perhaps I am just as guilty of appropriation as anyone else. I think it might be because I have never realized my love for Christmas could be deemed "appropriation." So many Christians and non-Christians I know celebrate Christmas as a purely secular day, and so I've joined in. While it is not an excuse, the simple description is that this is how I was raised. We celebrated both Hanukkah and Christmas, but I knew that Christmas was not part of my specific Jewish tradition, and so we use it as a day to gather with family and exchange gifts, very simple and with minimal religious practice that day. But I would like to think that I also appreciated the religious significance the day holds for my mother, and I certainly participated in a few religious events around Christmas at church through the years.

So, what to do with my friend and her Christian Seder. I was always willing to help her plan a Seder, of course, but I want to make sure I go about it in a way that respects her honest desire to honor Judaism, while also respecting my desire to make sure her Seder deals with a Jewish holiday in a way that feels right. My first suggestion to her was to actually look up one of several groups I know exist in the D.C. area that are for families raising children in both the Catholic and Jewish traditions, as I imagine they will have a very appropriate Seder for a group of young Christians.

But what if she still wants to have a Seder with her Christian group...how should we do this? Should I discourage her from having it, unless she finds a Jewish person to help her (she lives in a different city than I do)? Okay, we know I'm not actually going to do that. Should I teach her as much as I can so that she can hold a Seder like I would hold a Seder if I was there? Or something else? I would love to hear thoughts from people of any and all faith traditions on this matter, because as I mentioned above, appropriation is a real, complicated topic that is worthy of discussion.

Now go out and love one another.

<3,
Allyson