A Plea for Sensitivity

Hello, friends.

"Seek first to understand, then to be understood." --Stephen Covey

I hope I have made my intent for this blog clear: I want to discuss religion and especially relations between members of different faiths in an open forum, where people can publicly share their comments or dissent, and I hope to do so sensitively. I am discussing one of the three off-limits conversations (politics, money, religion) openly and unabashedly. A good portion of the time, after I put up a new post, one friend or another will get in touch saying, "You know, some of that post really offended me..." Now, I am not here to have everyone agree with me. The goal is not to have consensus on every topic, because we all believe different things. As Stephen Covey's quote points out, we should strive to understand different opinions before we share our own. I continually strive to discuss these topics, both on the blog and in actual conversations, sensitively.

But I do not always succeed.


This would be a good time to bring up something that a lot of non-Catholics do not recognize, which is just how much "Catholic bashing" goes on in the media, in public life, everywhere. Comments about the church or jokes about the religion are mainstream, whereas similar comments about other religions would be off-limits. I get that. It is a slippery slope as to what is legitimate criticism of a religion and how these criticisms should be raised (as there are many, many legitimate criticisms about the church hierarchy now and throughout its long history, which I do not attempt to deny; as a scholar of Sephardim I especially cannot eradicate the image of Inquisition-era Catholic leaders burning Jewish people alive at the stake in public "auto-de-fes" or "shows of faith" in Medieval Spain). Yet a lot of the Catholic religion can be wonderful, and the media sometimes lets the issues within the Church cloud the beauty in the religion.

So back to what happened this week. The papal conclave [a meeting of over 100 Catholic cardinals in Rome to elect the new pope] has been going on over the past few days.


The "Peepal" Conclave

Accordingly, hundred of articles, both serious and fake, have been posted about the meeting. So there was a New Yorker blog post put up recently that poked fun at the Catholic Church, and I shared it with a few Catholic friends and my mother. It turned out some found it amusing...and some found it highly offensive. For reference, the post is here: http://www.newyorker.com/online/blogs/borowitzreport/2013/03/vatican-calls-white-smoke-a-false-alarm-we-were-just-burning-documents.html.

Upon review, I can see how it could be offensive, at least the implication that the Church has so much to hide that it needs to burn documents on a regular basis. I see that, and I never meant to offend anyone by sharing it. I should have been more careful in my choice of article to share with people, because making jokes about any religion is probably not a good idea, and should always be done carefully if one decides to engage. I simply interpreted the blog post as a lighthearted way of pointing out some recent problems I see with the Church, including the fact that there have been attempts to cover up certain problems (though the comment about the last pope serving in Hitler Youth Groups is really irrelevant, as he was apparently coerced into it...).

I was still really upset, as I always am, when I found out that my actions might have offended other people, because I work so hard to think and re-think everything I write and say in order to maintain an open, respectful atmosphere of discussion. Again, it is not about agreeing with everyone. I have had numerous people throughout the past year react very negatively to some of my comments (which were purposefully phrased sensitively) because they were not comfortable with my open disagreement with their opinions. This is about making sure that when we do speak, we put thought into our words so that they convey what we feel in a respectful way in order to encourage discussion, not to put down someone else's opinion or religion.

This got me thinking about various offensive things people have said to me through the years. Many of these things were said offhand, as far as I could tell, not with any serious intent to offend me. But they still did.

1. Freshman year I realized quickly just how far I was from New York when I was talking about religion with someone, and when I said I was Jewish, she commented, "You do kind of have a Jew face." I still do not really know what that means.

2. Freshman year, almost everyone would go to Church on Sunday mornings and I would be one of the few who did not. One morning someone asked what religion I was (I suppose because I was not going to church, and she was getting ready to go) and I replied, "Jewish. What are you?" She said, "Normal."

3. At a club meeting a few months ago, we were discussing going to local businesses to get donations for a raffle auction. One of the boys in the group said, "I'll go to that store. Maybe he'll Jew me up." This apparently played on the stereotype of Jewish people being wealthy and thus more likely to give donations...but I had never heard that highly offensive expression. Luckily someone heard the comment and came to my defense before I could react.

4. Another time, I was standing with a group of Christian individuals at a party, and we were discussing the Old Testament (yes, this is what we talk about at our college parties). Comments were made about how crazy some of the stories of the Old Testament, implying that they were outdated and irrelevant. These people knew I was Jewish, and yet would not stop making jokes about a fundamental text of my religion. In an attempt to divert their attention, since I was getting quite offended at what felt like an attack, I quoted part of a book chapter I had to read that week for one of my classes that called Jesus an "Egyptian magician."

Immediately some of the group members reacted fairly strongly. It was clear that they did not realize that my comment, which had so offended them because it challenged their fundamental religious beliefs (though it was a quote from an academic source), was exactly like what they had been saying, as a group, to me. While I know they meant no harm, this situation was extremely uncomfortable for me because they did not even seem to realize just how insensitive they were being in their language. But maybe, like when I posted the New Yorker story this week, they just didn't make the connection that they were being offensive. We later joked a bit more about the incident and came to a slightly better conclusion, but I still do not forget how the conversation made me feel.

So please, feel free to comment below. Disagree with my opinions, agree with my opinions, it does not much matter. What does matter is that all of us--myself included--discuss these issues in respectful, open ways, with the intent of understanding and not with the intent of judging everyone else.

Now go out and love one another.

<3,
Allyson