Neverending Questions

Hello, friends.

So...apparently I ask a lot of questions.

For those who don't know me in real life, asking questions is kind of my thing, and I don't only want to know your birthday and shoe size (though I do usually make sure to ask those things within five minutes of meeting someone). What I really, really want to know about people is the real stuff--like, what are your beliefs about G-d? Who are the people with whom you are closest? Why do you believe what you believe? Are you going through any problems with someone close to you right now? Have you ever questioned some of those fundamental beliefs you hold? Things in that vein.

Asking questions is such a natural part of my personality that sometimes I don't even realize that I ask an absurdly high number of questions. Part of it has to do with my natural curiosity; this is just how I am. But the other part of it has to do with an intentional effort on my part to learn about other. The majority of people on the planet tend to focus on themselves. This is certainly understandable: life is complicated and tiring, and it can be hard to look outward, and try to show genuine interest in others. So I do it because I both selfishly want to learn about how everyone thinks and feels, and also because I want others to feel that someone feels their life is worth learning about.

Now, intense questions like the ones I ask are not really appropriate in all situations. But...I tend to ask them anyway, at least as soon as I think they'll receive an honest answer. Sometimes, if I sense the right personality in someone, this might be right away (like on Valentine's Day this year, for a few hours, with a very interesting person I had just met at a Jewish conference). With other people, it might take years to build up that kind of trust and respect, especially if I suspect we may disagree.

You might (correctly) surmise that these deep questions don't always go over well with those who face these questions. For some people, answering a bunch of intense questions that have them analyzing their deeply-held beliefs can get exhausting. For other people, it can move beyond exhausting to offensive, as they interpret the questions I am asking as judgmental (they're not, I promise!). If I disagree, I am generally honest and open about it, but that does not mean we should stop talking. I want to keep learning! Tell me all the things! But be prepared to defend those beliefs you hold, especially when we differ in opinion.

For me, peoples' answers are a neverending source of energy--learning about people, learning why and how they think the way they think, showing people that I genuinely and honestly care about them and their thoughts and emotions, it is thrilling. If, hypothetically, I had ever been interviewed for a friend's thesis on political opinions, I would have, hypothetically, been one of the outliers in the hypothetical group of test subjects because I am open to interacting with people of different beliefs. But the world is so boring if you only interact with people who agree with you! I don't get how people can be content only interacting with one type of person, but there you go.

So, in that vein, I wanted to share some updates on fascinating interfaith-y things that have happened lately, many of which came out of questions:

1. In a text conversation with my Puerto Rican Catholic mother that started with her asking me, "Should I get enough gefilte fish so that you have leftovers?" and ended at, "I'd be Sephardic since I'm Latin [and so we are allowed to eat rice on Passover]," I learned that my Catholic mother has apparently had a detailed discussion about Passover food restrictions with our rabbi.

2. In Rome last year, when I was studying with priests for a year, I learned quite a bit about Catholic-Jewish relations--including the vital, history-changing document, Nostra Aetate (go read it; it's short). Curiously, through prolonged questioning, I learned that none of the very Catholic people in my life had read it (what?!). So when one of these close Catholic friends of mine shared this article with me, about a priest whose Jewish college friend chooses his Lent sacrifice every year, and asked me to choose her Lent penance for this year, it made sense that I would choose to...assign her a 40-day curriculum of documents on Catholic-Jewish relations. Totally normal, right? (P.S. Go read Nostra Aetate.)

3. During a Skype date with one of my Southern Presbyterian/Protestant friends this week, we discussed this article that I had found, which details a theological belief that some people hold, that it is the wife's responsibility to "submit" or "defer" to her husband's opinions at times when they disagree. As a militant egalitarian myself, I clearly do not hold these beliefs--but I wanted to hear from someone who, I suspected, might. And what a fascinating conversation we had! We disagree strongly on this issue (as we do on many other topics--you should hear our discussions about Israel), yet we could intelligently discuss, analyze, and debate it. I know I am thankful to her for helping me grow in understanding.

So now you know: I am a big advocate of questions. Question what you see, question what you hear, question what you're told. Question what the media tells you, what your parents tell you, what your Scripture tells you. Question it so that you can understand it, and, ultimately, decide if you agree with it.

At a Passover seder--Passover is coming up next week!--the youngest child asks four questions about the reasons behind the holiday. This may seem simple, but imagine a five-year-old haltingly asking a large group of adults why they should eat bitter herbs, why they should do what everyone else is doing. It is really amazing, and rather revolutionary, to encourage the youngest person in the room to question a religious tradition in front of so many people. Maybe this type of Jewish practice is a clue into my questioning nature--Judaism, at least the form I participate in, encourages this type of questioning.

So keep asking those tough questions. It will not always be easy, and it is important to be respectful and acknowledge that the other person might not want to answer--but keep asking. Acknowledge where you both disagree, but move forward from there so that you can both understand each other--and the world--better. Not to try to change the other person, but to genuinely learn from her or him. It can be exciting, I promise, and you never know what you might learn.

Now go out and love one another.

<3,
Allyson