Is Judaism Unappealing?

Hello, friends.

Many times, when I speak to someone from Reform or Conservative Judaism or when I read comments made by Jewish celebrities, they describe themselves in one of these ways:

1. "I don't really practice, I'm more of a cultural/ethnic Jew."
2. "I was raised Jewish, but I don't really practice now."
3. "My family is Jewish, but I don't consider myself anything."
4. "I practice Buddhism now, you know, mindfulness and meditation."

Why are the liberal movements seemingly losing members? After the 20th time hearing comments like this, it really started distressing me. I do not blame someone who choose an alternative path, but I rather blame us liberal Jews as a group for not finding better ways to make people want to be Jewish. I now tend to think of liberal Judaism as a place that can serve as a "religion for secular-ish people," a kind of place where someone who follows a modern, secular society can still feel comfortable in a faith setting. We're really contemporary in a lot of ways, particularly Reform Judaism--people can think what they want, be Democrats of Republicans, support or oppose abortion, drink alcohol or abstain, support or oppose homosexuality, believe in and fight for those ideas that matter most to them, and still fit. Or you can practice Judaism more, attend services every week or pray every day even, but still hold these more "liberal" opinions. As long as you feel the need to believe in a Greater Power and want to pray to G-d and participate in some really exciting, meaningful ancient rituals, you can be part of the club. But then why do people keep leaving?

Is this only a problem in my head? I don't think so. The push in URJ (the Union for Reform Judaism) for a few months seems to be towards engaging the youth, those people between roughly ages 15-35 who might not be part of a Reform community as they move through college/grad school, etc. It seems like, somehow, something is not keeping people interested. After having a Bar/Bat Mitzvah class size of maybe 50, by the end of high school my Hebrew School was down to about 15.

I know  that when I was growing up I was always more interested in going to services and attending Hebrew School than were many of my peers. Maybe it was because I am a nerd and just love learning. Maybe there's something mystical in it--I once had a kind Orthodox woman shake her head in wonder when I explained that no, I am not a matrilineal bloodline Jew, though I am very involved in Judaism. She then said, "Well...you never know. Maybe somewhere back along the line you were. And maybe you'll even become Orthodox one day...you never know what could happen, what paths life will take you down." Misty concepts of my bloodline aside, I always loved learning about Judaism for some reason.

I do not really blame my peers who left after their bar mitzvahs. A large part of traditional Jewish learning involves looking backward at our history (pretty depressing), and at the history of antisemitism (even more depressing), and at texts written in Hebrew (a language that is not really taught to many outside of the Orthodox or rabbinic schools today). We learned how to pronounce the words, but not what most of them meant, which means that we can sit in a synagogue and make the right sounds on Friday nights, but would need to look to the English on the facing page of our prayer book to have any idea what it means. I have memorized the vague meaning of some of the standard prayers, but really I am just making strange sounds along with everybody else. I can see why people wouldn't love that, it really does not make sense. Is this like the change that came to the churches centuries ago? Is Hebrew our Latin? Should we move towards all English?

We can't necessarily force students to learn an entirely different language, with different grammar rules, different structures, and even a different alphabet, when already we are fighting to convince liberal Jewish parents that they should bring their kids to Hebrew School even just once a week. But I love Hebrew. Something about the sense of its ancient foundations, its beautiful script (everyone should try to view a Torah scroll up-close at some point in their lives, it is truly beautiful). I don't actually feel that comfortable in an all-English synagogue setting, it feels empty to me, though I imagine if I were raised in that atmosphere I might think Hebrew was outdated. But I love the language.

So how do we cope with this particular problem? I hypothesize that there must be some methods of teaching Hebrew that the liberal Jewish world has not tried yet. Maybe we could focus on teaching the sounds and word meanings and not some of the useless parts, like Hebrew script (which seemed pointless, since the prayerbooks use standard Hebrew, and I remember very little of the script form now anyway). Then we could teach what actual prayers mean, word for word. Kind of a "prayer conversational" Hebrew, like how you can take "conversational Italian" and learn how to say important things like "Mamma mia!" instead of sticky grammatical rules that you usually won't need (speaking of my Italian final on Friday...).

I tried to match the letters up (remember, Hebrew goes from right to left).

I have never claimed to like teaching, so this is really just brainstorming. What else might be keeping people away? I think parents definitely need to make Judaism more of a presence in the lives of their children. Shabbat dinners seem like an easy enough way to bring it in weekly, and maybe just making sure the family either has a traditional Friday night Shabbat dinner or a Saturday night havdallah dinner (marking the closing of Shabbat). Growing up, I only had one close friend who regularly did this, but her parents refused to let her do anything on Friday nights unless it was a big event like a one-time school dance or something. It felt restricting, and I could see someone getting resentful over that. Maybe instead having that flexibility to choose either Friday or Saturday--at the beginning of the week figuring out which would work best for the whole family--and then making it special, including prayers, not just take out food and the TV. In January, I committed to doing something Jewish at least once a month. I know, it sounds small, but I am trying to work up to doing more, and I actually have done more than that most months (I went to Friday night services three times in one month, which is a personal record).

One of the issues might be timing of Jewish religious services. Think about it: if you're Christian, you go on Sunday mornings. That works out pretty well, since secular people usually sleep in then so it's not like you would miss anything important or fun. But if you're Jewish, Friday nights in the secular world is a big night, one of only two worthwhile weekend nights to see friends. Many times freshman year, when I was just adjusting to being in Virginia, I would consider going to Shabbat services on Friday night, only to find out friends were gathering to watch a movie or something. It sounds trivial, but for me, the choice came down to sitting in an unfamiliar synagogue, with people I did not know, and chanting in a language I cannot understand...or trying to form friendships with people I would interact with for the next four years. It really didn't make sense to go to temple then. (I pray on my own every day, anyway.)

Could the problem have to do with the holidays? I don't think so. I think most Jewish people (even "non-religious" Jewish people) love the holidays. I mean, first of all, we have like a zillion. You can miss work or school, and spend time eating mostly yummy (kugel, hamantaschen) and occasionally strange (gefilte fish) foods. There's singing, sometimes dancing, some games, lots of sugar, and a lot of history. So we've got the holidays down pretty well.

I think it mostly comes back to making liberal Judaism a part of our week, and about figuring out how to deal with the Hebrew issue. If children were brought up knowing what the prayers meant, and with having Shabbat dinner every week, or going to synagogue the first Friday of every month, or even just volunteering with the social action committee regularly, maybe that would help show our potentially "Lost Generation," to borrow a historic term, that Judaism has a lot of great parts to it, and it would make it a routine. By the time I reached high school, once-a-month Hebrew School mostly dealt with discussing how Reform Judaism would view several contemporary issues, like abortion, but still I got the impression from those lessons that it is up to each individual to make a moral decision. That was pretty modern, and sometimes I even look back at those books to understand some of those topics. (Incidentally, this concept reflects a religious Zoroastrian principle my roommate mentions every so often, called the "good mind," aka learn what you can, then make the best moral decision you can make, something that will not hurt others. Sounds reasonable.)

Anyone have any possible ideas about why people might be leaving Reform Judaism? I will keep pondering the issue, because I think this loss is a big problem, and I want reasons to contradict the many people who point to interfaith marriage as the culprit.

Now go out and love one another.

<3,
Allyson

The Value of Pluralism

Hello, friends.

First off, sorry for the long delay--my thesis on antisemitism in Spain under Francisco Franco was due about a week ago, so there were a few weeks of craziness and then I collapsed for a while. Secondly, I know it has been a tough week for a lot of us, dealing with the fear of the bomber loose in Boston and various other tragedies over the past few days. This encouraged a lot of people to turn to religion for comfort, including me, and reminded me to post on here.

That said, I wanted to talk more about my experience with CLIP last summer, because I noticed I usually bring it up with negative associations: how it was challenging for me emotionally, how I felt "othered" in the group, things like that. These facts still remain true. I find that people are often more critical of people who claim to practice the same broad religion. For example, when my Catholic or Protestant friends disagree with the way in which the other side of Christianity practices the religion. Or when my Jewish peers in CLIP introducing me, for the first time in my life, to the actual idea that many Jewish people would not consider me Jewish because my "blood" from my birthmother (whom I have never met) rendered me a gentile.

But honestly, despite everything, CLIP was one of the most important and formative experiences I have ever had.

For those who are unaware, CLIP stands for Collegiate Leadership Internship Program. Run through the Hillel at NYU, CLIP is a Jewish internship program in New York City that combines an internship four four days a week with Wednesday seminars on career, leadership, and Judaism. I would recommend the program for anyone interested in exploring Judaism in greater depth. (http://www.clipnyc.com/)

The program places interns in internships that are appropriate to their potential career paths, for example law offices or financial firms or non-profits. I was working for the NYU Center for Spirituality, a new multifaith initiative at the university (pretty appropriate, huh?). There were fifty-one interns from many different types of Judaism, including non-religious, Orthodox, Reconstructionist, Reform, Conservative, Sephardic, etc. All fifty-one of us gathered on Wednesdays to participate in seminars, activities, hear lectures from Jewish leaders, from career experts, etc. CLIP is an excellent, strong program that I loved very much.

The pluralism aspect of the summer was fascinating. "Pluralism" in a religious context implies coexistence and discussion across different systems of religious beliefs, or in the Jewish context specifically, across the different movements.

Now, prior to May 2012, my Jewish world consisted of Reform/Conservative Jews (in my town, for all intents and purposes, this meant basically the same thing growing up), and then a vague understanding of what I considered "extremist," yes maybe even "crazy," Orthodox Jews. I had never met someone who identified as an Orthodox Jew (except briefly in Italy, which did not really count). If you had asked me before last summer if anyone still lived like the Jewish people in Fiddler on the Roof, I probably would have laughed and said "No way!" That would be very wrong. There are still people who will not dance with members of the other gender, or will not drive to temple on Friday nights. People who would not consider me Jewish because my birthmother is not Jewish. I did not really believe it, though, until I had met some people like this last summer. And it turns out they are not crazy. At least, my Orthodox friends are not, and I have learned a great deal more about Orthodoxy over the past eleven months.

This points to a critical part of pluralism: meeting people who embody the "other." It was vital for me to talk about religion with very religious Jewish individuals, those who try to follow the laws of the Torah as closely as possible. We all spoke fairly candidly, so that I felt comfortable asking about gender roles in Orthodox Judaism. About homosexuality. Sex. We covered these and more topics throughout the summer, in both formal and informal settings. Many of us said that, while we appreciated some of the formal Wednesday programming, we really learned the most from one another in our informal discussions and bonding opportunities. Going on a Shabbaton (a weekend trip that includes the Jewish Sabbath from Friday-Saturday) to Pennsylvania early in the program really opened my eyes to the level of disagreement we had in the group. But by using sensitive language, we all managed to really talk about our differences in inspiring ways, rather than putting one another down for our varying beliefs.

In the same vein, I got the impression that I was able to help change some perceptions about both interfaith marriage and Reform Judaism. About how having a Catholic mother did not make me any less of a participant in my Jewish community than were my Hebrew School classmates, or how "Reform Judaism" does not just mean "lazy Jews" and that we have a defined theology just like the other movements. Meeting people different from ourselves inspired many of us to learn more about our individual movements in order to better explain them when people approached us with questions. I know I learned a lot about all of the other movements, as well, and I am very happy to have friends now all across the Jewish spectrum. If you had asked me a year ago if I would ever be friends with someone Orthodox, I do not think I could have even thought about where I would even meet someone like that. But CLIP was the place.

The experience even encouraged many of us to reconsider what we want our own faith experience to look like now and in the future. I think many people grow up in one particular tradition and follow it their whole lives, without really questioning it. Others just ignore religion and live a secular life. But then there seems to exist a large contingent of college students who explore their faith in more depth, possibly because they find themselves in a new religious environment or community. I certainly have not loved my Jewish experience down here in Williamsburg, because of the lack of a familiar Jewish community. I have attended a few services at the closest Reform synagogue, about thirty minutes away, but do not love it. But this has gotten me thinking about where I could be happy living after college (somewhere with more liberal Jews).

Even while I have not had a strong Jewish community while in college, I have researched antisemitism in Europe a great deal, and developed a really strong passion for combating religious prejudices. So how could I go forward with my faith? Is being Reform enough for me, when many Reform Jews do indeed practice the religion very little? In an ideal situation, how would I participate in Judaism going forward? Keep kosher? Observe Shabbat fully? Not eat bread for eight days during Passover? These are all things that no Reform Jews I have ever met actually do (at least not all of them, and I am pretty sure not even any of them). The theology of Reform Judaism, however, really fits for me: militantly egalitarian, my movement accepts equal participation by men and women, homosexuals are often welcome in Reform communities, interfaith families are generally accepted into the community. And yet I want more, in terms of community involvement, in terms of Judaism in my daily life. For this and other reasons, I have internally considered exploring other movements, but I am still exploring this. We shall see.

I have spoken to fellow 2012 CLIP participants, and I know that some of them have similarly struggled to find where they want their religious compass to rest. Some traditional religious folks moving towards more liberal movements, some more secular folks moving towards Orthodoxy. It seems we all got to thinking, when we saw that there are different, yet still truly beautiful, ways of practicing Judaism.

I am 100% sure I would never have had such an excellent experience of Judaism in any other setting outside of the excellent pluralistic programming in CLIP. Maybe eventually I would have made Orthodox friends by chance, or thought about the possibility of starting to observe Shabbat more strictly, if I had not been in the group. But CLIP combined informal experiences with the education necessary to make sure that we were not just experiencing these different Jewish individuals without having the requisite background to truly understand more about the theology and practices. We had rabbis from different movements come speak to us one day, for example.

One concern I have about pluralistic programs, though, is that Orthodox groups might be less supportive of communities like this, out of a fear that their young congregants might then be tempted by the more liberal movements of Judaism like mine, and then leave the community. And yet...the value of interacting with members of different Jewish movements is just so critical, I cannot emphasize how excellent it was. I learned so much from my Orthodox friends. I wish there were more programs like this, and that growing up I had been exposed to pluralism much earlier.

I will forever be grateful to both the experiences I had during CLIP, and the continuing friendships I gained last summer. I feel affection for everyone in the group, and I was over the moon when I heard that two CLIP participants from our group last summer got engaged. We really formed lasting close connections, and I look forward to the time when we finally get to have a reunion with the group soon. Pluralism can work: it is not always easy, but it really does help us all understand our own faith in more depth. Try it! And remember to keep an open mind...you never know what you might find out about the world, and yourself.

Now go out and love one another.

<3,
Allyson

#BeBlue

Hello, friends!

I've been writing this blog for just about three months now...and guess what? We've reached over 700 unique visitors! That's completely crazy. Thank you to everyone who is here for the first time and to those who have read every post I have written so far. It was very humbling to reach that number, truly. Every time someone unexpected walks up to me and says, "I read your blog" or "I shared your blog with some people today" or "I agree with the ideas on your blog," I feel honestly shocked, but also very blessed.

What I hope this means is that there are a couple of hundred people out there in cyberland who believe what I believe: that the main way we can prevent religious conflict in the future is to discuss our religious differences and similarities in open, engaging, and respectful ways. We are not always going to agree. We are not always going to like the opinions other people hold. In some cases, these opinions may go against the very essence of our moral codes, may make us twitch to hear said aloud, and we may find ourselves reevaluating whether or not we can continue to associate with people who could believe something so contrary to our own ethics. But we need to keep talking, keep seeking to understand before seeking to be understood, because by the nature of our different faiths, there exist beliefs that stand in direct conflict with those of other faiths.

I am sure that for many of you who spent any time on Facebook last week, when the Supreme Court heard some critical arguments about the legality of gay marriage, you probably saw many of your Facebook friends changing their profile pictures to the red equal sign in support of legalizing gay marriage (like I did for the two days). Whether or not you agree with the viewpoint that gay marriage should be legalized, I imagine it got a lot of us thinking, as we noticed who decided to openly demonstrate their support (or, in some cases, opposition).

Facebook proselytizing aside, the point of interfaith discussion is not to agree 100% of the time. It is certainly lovely to meet someone else and say, "Wow! You agree with me? How great!" But it also vital that we grow by exploring other beliefs, by trying to understand other points of view both to better solidify our own beliefs, but also to be more empathetic when dealing with people different from ourselves. It can be very easy to spot someone who has not had their beliefs challenged, or who has never engaged in truly open interfaith discussion, because they do not follow the mantra "Seek first to understand, then to be understood."

I recently mentioned to some friends that it's pretty ironic, but when I'm down here in Southern Virginia, I feel like I need to defend a more liberalized viewpoint, for example, being pro-gay marriage. But then I go back home to the North, where many people consider themselves much more "open" to other viewpoints, I often feel like I need to defend a more conservative religious viewpoint, like anti-gay marriage. Certainly not because I agree with the anti-gay viewpoint, but because holding one belief does not automatically render someone a bad person. Everyone is made up of a variety of beliefs and opinions, and we will rarely agree with someone completely on every issue. Most of the religious conversations I have, especially about topics on which I disagree with someone, are with the intent to have as much knowledge as possible so that I can defend their viewpoint to other people. I know some things would be deal breakers for me, but for a lot of my friends I disagree with on certain issues, I can see why they believe what they believe, given their backgrounds and life experiences. I just don't agree.

I try to think back to my mindset in high school. If you had asked me then if I could ever be friends with someone who opposed gay marriage, I would have been horrified and adamantly shouted, "Of course not! How prejudiced and bigoted and no way could I ever compromise my morals to that degree that I could associate with someone who thought that way!" Now, though, I cannot help but feel sadness when I hear some people I know saying those exact same words. There are many reasons people could oppose gay marriage, and no one I have ever spoken with about this have said anything horrible enough for me to "unfriend" them. Many, many people on this planet believe that the Torah or the Bible was written exclusively according to something G-d said. Those who do not believe this, or, like me, believe that G-d inspired the Torah but then man added in their own prejudices over the centuries, will never convince very religious people otherwise.

And we should not try to. We can present our viewpoint in the attempt to have others understand us, as well (our intent to understand should not lead to ignoring the second part of that phrase, "Then seek to be understood), but not with the the sole purpose of changing someone's mind.

 And so too should the very religious not try to convince us that their mindset is right. I'm sure some of you have gathered how frustrating I find it when yet another middle-aged man hands me a Bible, or there is a huge sign in our Student Center that says "I can tell you if you're going to Heaven!" or, like last Friday, when there is a man with a ten-foot high wooden cross on my campus and a sign reading, "Jesus died for your sins." The implication here to a non-Christian, or at least to me, is that these Christians believe that because I do not worship Jesus as the son of G-d, that I have erred by choosing the wrong faith. That I am a bad human being and undeserving of G-d's love, because clearly I am praying to the wrong concept of "G-d." That being anything other than Christian is wrong. Maybe it's because I'm Jewish, and we purposely try to dissuade people from converting to Judaism, but it always feels like an attack. Even the Dalai Lama, when he visited my college in October (and answered my question about interfaith relations for fifteen minutes!) said that he would recommend staying the religion in which you were raised, which leads me to believe that he might think like I do: in the end, there is no one "right" religion, we just have to live the best lives we can. I do not think we get to Heaven or the afterlife or whatever you call it and G-d says, "Good job Jews! You had the right beliefs. Everyone else, you all fail." I just don't think it works that way.

I hope that most religious people eventually evaluate their consciences, and try to think about other points of view rather than blindly trying to push their beliefs on others. What if they had been adopted by a non-Christian? They would probably believe just as wholeheartedly in another faith's mantra (just as my birthmother was Christian, yet I have been raised Jewish because that was what my parents decided when they adopted me). It almost seems random. Or what if they were gay, and as a result their religious community would only accept them if they remained celibate? There are an infinite number of scenarios that can challenge our beliefs, and I think self-reflection like this is healthy. But please stop trying to give me Bibles, you proselytizers of the world, or I might start waving the Torah in your face and see how you like it.

So back to the positive: the title of this post actually comes from the subject line of an e-mail I just received this afternoon from the IFYC (Interfaith Youth Corps). Basically, the IFYC is a group that seeks to mobilize young people and encourage them to seek out interfaith situations in order to better understand people of other faiths. I received the e-mail because this Thursday, April 4, people throughout the country will be wearing blue to show their support for interfaith engagement. What a great idea! The idea is that we are better together, better when we all work together to make the world a better place, rather than ignoring the differences, which can lead to misunderstandings and fighting. You can also sign the "blue" pledge here: http://www.ifyc.org/node/8888



I hope some of you will join me in showing support by wearing blue on Thursday. I know it does not actually do something, it's not like donating to charity for example, but it shows solidarity, and maybe it will encourage someone to engage in an interfaith conversation. But even if you don't wear blue, I hope that you join the fight for greater interreligious understanding. Maybe bring up that awkward subject with someone you know you will probably disagree with; it will probably not go wonderfully every time--believe me, I know. Or share this blog with someone new, someone you think might appreciate a new perspective (and add your e-mail to the box at the top so you receive a message when the blog is updated). Most importantly, if you come to these issues with an open heart, and a true desire to seek a greater understanding of your fellow human beings, then you cannot do any better than that.

I have also added a poll on the left side of the blog, right under my bio, that will be open for a week. If you have a minute and feel comfortable sharing where you fall on the religious spectrum, I would love to know just how interfaith our readers are. And, as ever, please feel free to comment on this post, whether you agree or disagree: I am always open to discussion, and engaging with different view points.

Now go out and love one another. And wear blue on Thursday.

<3,
Allyson